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{62}{147}"It seems today that all you see
{150}{230}"Is violence in movies and sex on TV
{232}{322}"But where are those|good old-fashioned values
{325}{372}"On which we used to rely?
{390}{470}"Lucky there's a family guy
{472}{592}"Lucky there's a man who positively|can do all the things that make us
{595}{627}"Laugh and cry
{630}{740}"He's a family guy
{750}{800}Family Guy|Season 3 - Episode 10|"STUCK TOGETHER, TORN APART"
{830}{907}Some of this stuff... you wonder|who would need it in bulk.
{910}{972}I mean, like watermelons.
{1010}{1067}Touch CostMart.
{1070}{1122}- Brian, will you watch Stewie?|- Sure.
{1125}{1207}Please keep a close eye on him.|Remember what happened last time.
{1242}{1350}- Stewie, get down before you hurt yourself.|- Shut up! You're not my mother!
{1352}{1417}- Good God! Are you all right?|- Fine. Why do you ask?
{1465}{1612}Mmm, delicious. I will seriously|consider purchasing this product.
{1640}{1712}Oh, what have we here? May I partake?
{1715}{1765}Mmm.
{1810}{1907}(Japanese accent) Sausage-san.|Plan to buy for samurai buddies.
{1910}{2012}You don't have to keep moving to the back.|You can have as many as you want.
{2015}{2052}What are you talking about?
{2055}{2105}- Can I have more sausage?|- Yeah, me too?
{2127}{2237}They got a great deal on pianos if you buy|a four-pack. Meg, help me get these down.
{2240}{2290}- Lois?|- Oh, my gosh.
{2292}{2342}- (Meg screams)|- I don't believe this.
{2345}{2460}Ross Fishman, is that really you? I haven't|seen you since college. How are you?
{2462}{2535}Great. Wow, Lois! You haven't aged a bit.
{2537}{2610}(chuckling) Oh. Thank you.
{2610}{2720}This 12-pack of fungicide|is for my daughter Meg.
{2722}{2785}Help me.
{2850}{2910}- He's funny.|- Is it 1981?
{2937}{2980}Ah, yes, there you are!
{2982}{3105}You people at the Industrial Adhesives|Corporation know how to make a tasty glue.
{3107}{3155}Well, then, let the banquet begin.
{3157}{3257}- What are you doing? Don't eat that.|- For God's sake, don't be such a nerd.
{3260}{3335}I'm keeping an eye on you.|If Lois sees this, she'll kill me.
{3337}{3437}- You can let go of my hand now.|- You can let go of mine.
{3730}{3772}- Oh...|- Crap.
{3775}{3850}I can't tell you how wonderful|it's been to see you.
{3850}{3925}It's a crime that it's been so long.|We were so close.
{3927}{3987}We could get together for coffee, catch up.
{3990}{4075}Well... I don't know, Ross. I'm married now.
{4077}{4182}So am I. Does that mean we're not allowed|to stay in touch with old friends?
{4185}{4270}Tell you what. If you change|your mind, here's my card.
{4305}{4375}Look, Dad. They have 12-packs of kidneys!
{4377}{4445}You got to buy the cooler, too.|That's how they get you.
{4497}{4552}- OK, thanks.|- Well?
{4555}{4637}The good news is they make|a solvent that'll get us unstuck.
{4640}{4692}But it takes two weeks for delivery.
{4695}{4770}We're stuck like this for a bloody fortnight?!
{4772}{4840}- You cannot tell Lois about this.|- What if I do?
{4840}{4960}- I have pictures of you in her wedding dress.|- You said there was no film in that camera!
{4962}{5065}- Stewie, it's time to change your diaper.|- Mind if I watch?
{5097}{5190}And I'm ashamed of myself|that I let Peter's jealousy prevent me
{5192}{5275}from rekindling an old friendship|just because it was with a man.
{5277}{5367}Peter's not very understanding|when it comes to you and other men.
{5370}{5425}Like that time at the movies?
{5482}{5572}I... I... this is... My, this is terribly awkward.
{5575}{5642}But I... I wanted to tell you something.
{5645}{5732}But I... I seem to be|so charmingly befuddled.
{5735}{5832}- Ah, that Hugh Grant is so handsome.|- Oh, is that how it is?
{5835}{5900}Come here, you home-wrecking bastard!
{5902}{5980}Don't do it, Dad! He's bigger than you!
{5982}{6035}And when you went to that concert?
{6037}{6145}Thank you. Thank you very much.|This next one is for all the ladies out there.
{6147}{6197}(cheering)
{6240}{6292}Then there was last Saturday night.
{6295}{6417}- Oh, look at that handsome man.|- You son of a bitch!
{6420}{6492}I can't let Peter's irrational|emotions run my life!
{6495}{6575}I'm gonna call Ross and see|if it's not too late for his offer.
{6577}{6627}- Would you mind finishing up?|- Sure.
{6630}{6700}Yes, do you like cleaning my doody, Brian?
{6700}{6832}Say it. Say "I like cleaning your doody,|Stewie." Ha! Don't forget the taint.
{6962}{7050}TC, fly the chopper around the island.|I'll talk to the women.
{7052}{7145}- Tattoo here will look out for the kidnappers.|- Higgins.
{7145}{7222}We'll need security to unlock|the gate for me. OK, Tattoo?
{7225}{7275}- It's Higgins.|- What?
{7275}{7325}The name is Higgins.
{7367}{7427}- What's your name?|- Tattoo.
{7445}{7572}Oh, Peter. I'm just...|gonna go out for a few hours.
{7575}{7647}So, I... I'll return in... a few hours.
{7650}{7710}Yeah, I'll do it when this is over.
{7712}{7777}Hey, Lois, can you grab me a beer?
{7780}{7827}- Lois?|- Dad, I think she went out.
{7830}{7877}- Then you be Lois.|- OK.
{7880}{7972}Lois, can you grab me a beer?|Oh, my God! You've really let yourself go!
{7975}{8047}Maybe if you bought me|nice clothes once in a while!
{8050}{8085}(siren)
{8085}{8187}(PA) Peter Griffin, we know you're in there!|Come out with your hands up!
{8190}{8250}- Fooled ya!|- (laughter)
{8265}{8315}You sure did. What the hell is this?
{8315}{8410}The new police surveillance van.|We're going on a beer run. Wanna join us?
{8412}{8472}I quit drinking. I might be an alcoholic.
{8475}{8510}- What?|- Oh, my God!
{8512}{8630}(laughs) Fooled ya! Come on. Let's go drink|till we can't feel feelings any more.
{8632}{8730}This van has the latest in|law-enforcement technology. Watch.
{8747}{8832}(PA) Suspect! Suspect!|You have the right to remain silent!
{8835}{8872}(laughs) Sweet.
{8875}{8922}- Let me try.|- Cleveland, don't!
{8925}{9032}Minority suspect! Minority suspect!|Danger, he's got a gun!
{9035}{9122}Oh! Ow! Ow! Oh! Ow! Oh! Ow!
{9177}{9215}Hey, Joe! The van's gone!
{9217}{9305}It's got a cloaking device that|disguises it as two homeless guys
{9305}{9365}fighting over a wedge of cheese.
{9415}{9487}Peter, isn't that Lois|over there in that diner?
{9490}{9575}- Why would Lois be there? I already ate.|- Take a look.
{9577}{9655}Oh, my God! That is Lois!|Why the hell would she...
{9657}{9697}Whoa. I can see your skin cells.
{9700}{9777}I saw you on Scientific American.|You looked great.
{9780}{9887}- Please! Where my eyes are half-closed?|- God, just take the damn compliment!
{9972}{10075}- What is Lois doing with another man?|- Is it possible she's a whore?
{10077}{10202}Just on weekends? To help pay for|her mom's dialysis? As in my fantasy?
{10205}{10260}Let's start over. Hi, I'm Quagmire.
{10260}{10340}- I wish I knew what she was saying.|- I think I can help.
{10340}{10477}Oh, your wife and children are beautiful. It's|so good to catch up, Ross. I'm glad I called.
{10480}{10557}I'm glad you did, too.|Was your husband OK with you coming?
{10560}{10642}Uh... Yes, he turned out|to be just fine with it.
{10695}{10777}All right. Let's see what we can pick up.
{10780}{10875}(man) Please don't spit in my eggs.|Please don't spit in my eggs.
{10877}{10965}Thank you for the eggs!|I hope he didn't spit in my eggs.
{10967}{11025}(man #2) Doug, I spit in that guy's eggs.
{11027}{11105}(man #3) Our armies are ready.|We will leave the sewers
{11107}{11170}and strike back at the humans|in the overworld.
{11205}{11277}I'm glad we both found someone|to make us happy.
{11280}{11352}(Lois) I enjoy being with you, Ross.|I'm having a great time.
{11355}{11462}Oh, my God! That's who that is.|Ross Fishman, Lois's old boyfriend.
{11465}{11522}- We're losing them.|- I gotta hear more.
{11525}{11582}The power's not supposed to go that high!
{11585}{11645}(man) Damn itch. I wonder who gave it to me.
{11647}{11775}Probably that skank who needed a ride.|Last time I do somebody a favour.
{11777}{11852}Oh, God! They must have heard me!|Oh, God! I can hear me!
{11855}{11950}(hums Sousa march)
{12000}{12085}(licking)
{12087}{12172}Ugh! What the hell|do you think you're doing?!
{12175}{12232}I'm cleaning myself.
{12235}{12327}You were clean 15 minutes ago.|Now you're just on vacation.
{12350}{12452}So, Lois is seeing old boyfriends, huh?|Well, two can play at that game.
{12455}{12522}I just gotta find my little black book.
{12562}{12622}(" dramatic music)
{12910}{12945}Ah, here it is.
{13070}{13187}- Brenda?|- Peter! Oh, my God. It's been 25 years!
{13190}{13272}Yeah. So, I guess you're married now, huh?
{13275}{13330}Yeah.
{13332}{13377}(thud)
{13380}{13472}Hey, Ricky, you were right! I was pregnant!
{13527}{13595}Hey, what's up, Pete? Long time no see.
{13595}{13652}Patty, the years have been great to you.
{13655}{13752}- I owe that to my better half.|- Who is it, sir?
{13825}{13930}- Angie?|- Peter? Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Come in!
{14132}{14185}Uh... what is all this stuff?
{14187}{14282}Peter, I have been waiting|for this moment for 25 years!
{14285}{14342}I haven't washed my hand|since you touched it.
{14345}{14395}Oh, my God! That's disgusting!
{14397}{14517}And look! Look! I left the toilet just|as it was the night we went to the prom.
{14520}{14602}It's the little piece of you|that's kept your memory alive.
{14605}{14667}But now I have you back.
{14670}{14747}Oh, well. At least I still have you.
{14750}{14800}You hungry?
{14825}{14890}- (siren)|- Oh, crap.
{14912}{14947}Let me handle this.
{14950}{15082}You were going 65, fella. That's ten miles|over the... Why are you holding his hand?
{15085}{15132}- We met on the Internet.|- Shut up!
{15135}{15227}He lured me to the park with promises|of candy and funny stories.
{15230}{15337}- Ever hear of super industrial adhesive?|- Actually, yes, we have.
{15515}{15632}- Dad, why do you keep looking at the door?|- Oh, Meg. You and your drugs.
{15635}{15695}- (doorbell)|- I wonder who that could be.
{15727}{15842}- Peter Gifford?|- My God! Dora, my old girlfriend.
{15845}{15952}What a surprise that you would look me up!|You always thought I was so handsome.
{15955}{16030}Peter, can I see you in the other room?
{16032}{16075}- Yeah, go. Say it.|- Should I?
{16077}{16142}- I can't.|- Just say it.
{16145}{16245}How far can you get this banana...|I can't say it. She's looking right at me.
{16247}{16295}What the hell is this about?
{16297}{16392}- It's about you and Ross Fishman!|- What?!
{16395}{16462}I saw you and him breaking|the Fifth Commandment!
{16465}{16527}Congress passes these things for a reason!
{16530}{16640}That's it! You're suffocating me|with your jealousy. I can't take it any more.
{16642}{16752}I'm calling a marriage counsellor.|I can't even have coffee with a friend!
{16755}{16860}- What is your problem?!|- You want to know what my problem is?
{16862}{16932}- I love too much!|- What are you talking about?
{16935}{17007}- Don't you see? We're alive!|- You're scaring me.
{17010}{17137}Good! Embrace the fear! Dance with me,|Lois. Dance the dance of life!
{17182}{17235}Maybe you should call that counsellor.
{17285}{17350}Mr and Mrs Griffin,|I've reviewed your situation.
{17352}{17420}- I have a suggestion.|- We'll do whatever it takes.
{17422}{17492}I'd like to put video cameras|in every room of your house
{17495}{17557}so I can observe your|uncensored behaviour.
{17560}{17662}Just like that show Big Brother.|Except somebody'll be watching.
{17727}{17777}I've looked through the footage.
{17780}{17902}I've compiled an accurate cross section|of your home life. Here are the results.
{17965}{18027}- Peter, give Chris a spanking.|- OK.
{18030}{18105}Chris, I'm watching the game.|You know what to do.
{18130}{18200}Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
{18202}{18280}This hurts me more than it hurts you. Ow!
{18285}{18357}"Dear Diary, Kevin is so hot."
{18360}{18437}"Today he was out|in the yard raking leaves."
{18440}{18537}"God, I wish he'd throw me|into that pile of leaves."
{18585}{18677}Hey, what's everybody...|Oh, my God! My diary! I hate you all!
{18680}{18740}(crying)
{18740}{18782}Keep going.
{18790}{18905}No. It's step, hip, step, pivot.|Are you trying to piss off the volcano?
{18912}{18970}Get my back, would you?
{18970}{19045}Oh, that's it. Ooh, that feels good.
{19050}{19155}- Can you give me a hand with this jar?|- Oh, for heaven's sake, Peter.
{19155}{19225}- (Lois screams)|- (laughs) Gotcha.
{19287}{19350}To be honest, I've never seen|such dysfunction.
{19352}{19452}Mr and Mrs Griffin, what I'm about|to suggest may seem unorthodox.
{19455}{19575}I recommend a trial separation, during which|time I advise that you date other people.
{19577}{19645}I believe this will help you|gather perspective.
{19647}{19697}- Date other people?!|- Oh, my God!
{19700}{19797}I realise this is upsetting.|That's why I've invited Howie Mandel
{19800}{19912}to lighten the mood by blowing up|a surgical glove with his nose.
{20192}{20235}(laughs)
{20340}{20385}This feels really weird, Lois.
{20387}{20490}I know. But maybe the doctor's right.|This time apart could be good for us.
{20490}{20582}I don't know. Splitting up didn't work|too well for Pacman and his wife.
{20585}{20667}- Forget about her.|- You're too good for her anyway.
{20670}{20740}- Cheer up, man.|- Hey, you want to eat us? Huh?
{20742}{20812}- We're turning blue!|- I've got nowhere to run.
{20815}{20877}He's gonna get us!
{20880}{20920}- Oh.|- Oh.
{20920}{20992}He's not budging.|Come on. Let's go to Qbert's.
{20995}{21120}- I appreciate you putting me up, Cleveland.|- Our house is your house, Peter.
{21122}{21217}I'd sit here and chat, but I need|to get back upstairs to Loretta
{21220}{21327}because it's our anniversary|and the getting's good.
{21330}{21465}(Cleveland) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
{21467}{21585}When is it gonna be my turn?|Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
{21617}{21680}You are welcome to stay|as long as you like.
{21682}{21765}Thanks, Muriel. So, what do you guys|do for fun around here?
{21767}{21855}We like to watch old movies|while listening to "Hotel California"
{21855}{21917}to see if it syncs up in a significant way.
{21920}{21977}And so far, no. Nothing has.
{22020}{22055}(phone rings)
{22057}{22102}- Hello?|- Is Peter there?
{22105}{22170}Oh, hi, Quagmire. No, Peter's not home.
{22172}{22270}We're... we're having|some minor marital problems.
{22272}{22370}Our therapist has advised us|to date other people.
{22370}{22452}- Hey, Lois, you want to go out?|- What? I don't know, Glen.
{22455}{22540}Peter and I just separated.|I feel like I need more time.
{22590}{22660}- How about now?|- We are supposed to see other people.
{22662}{22740}I guess it's better to go out|with you than some sex pervert.
{22742}{22800}I'm in! Giggetty-gaggety-gaggety-goo!
{22835}{22910}(gasping breaths)
{22930}{23015}Oh. God blast it!|Will you hold it for five seconds?!
{23017}{23092}(panting)
{23117}{23155}OK.
{23202}{23295}So, Mr Griffin, how does it feel|to be a bachelor on the prowl again?
{23297}{23407}It's not as great as you'd think. I don't have|the same way with women that I used to.
{23442}{23510}- (coughs)|- That was nice. That was nice.
{23512}{23620}I had a great time with you today,|beautiful stranger. What's your sign?
{23622}{23665}(coughs)
{23667}{23737}(chuckles) Gross. I still think|you're neat, though.
{23740}{23832}You should try a video dating service.|That's how Muriel and I met.
{23835}{23912}Let me show you Mort's tape.|He was so charming.
{23947}{24050}Agh! Oh, my eyes! Could you please|turn down that very bright light?
{24052}{24120}It's burning my retinas.
{24122}{24175}Ladies, I'm a very desperate man.
{24177}{24280}My name is Mort and I live with my mother.|And I have very low standards.
{24282}{24370}(sneezes) Oh, God!|There's blood in my mucus!
{24405}{24462}(buzzing)
{24465}{24537}Agh! What the hell is wrong with you?!
{24565}{24630}Hey, there's the mail! Oh, finally.
{24705}{24770}It takes an hour for the solvent to take effect.
{24772}{24895}What takes an hour? We could watch|Rita Rudner do five minutes of stand-up.
{24895}{24922}Ba-zing.
{24925}{24990}We're gonna have a swell time tonight, Lois.
{24992}{25075}Thank you for being such a good friend|and looking after me.
{25075}{25150}No problem. It's chilly out,|so I brought you a jacket.
{25152}{25245}- Oh. No, thanks. I'll be fine.|- Please?
{25332}{25467}Muriel and I feel that you need to follow|your therapist's advice and start dating.
{25470}{25552}- Jeez, Mort. I don't know if I'm ready.|- Come on, stud.
{25555}{25617}We've set it up for you|to go out with our niece.
{25620}{25685}Honey! Come on out here|and meet Peter Griffin.
{25702}{25770}This is our niece, Jennifer Love Hewitt.
{25770}{25840}- Nice to meet you.|- All right, I'm getting up.
{25842}{25957}Hi. Peter Griffin. We can go anywhere except|the disco. They don't let me in any more.
{25960}{26035}(" disco music)
{26155}{26252}Ow! Crafty Mexicans and your glass candy.
{26330}{26397}- What's going on?|- There's a girl in that well.
{26400}{26480}- Oh, my God!|- Nobody has arms long enough to reach her.
{26480}{26565}Except that guy. But he's helping|that woman tickle a midget.
{26567}{26690}Tee-hee. Stop it. Tee-hee.
{26720}{26777}Oh, God, you want to rescue her, don't you?
{26780}{26885}It's times like this I wish they'd|used me for stem-cell research.
{26885}{26922}Help me!
{26925}{27042}It rubs the lotion on its skin,|or else it gets the hose again. Ha!
{27045}{27115}All right, I'm gonna lower you in.
{27135}{27227}I just noticed. How often do you see|a 17th-century well in this day and age?
{27230}{27325}- Hurry up. The glue's wearing off!|- All right, all right!
{27490}{27547}We're not stuck together any more.
{27550}{27607}- Thank God!|- You said it.
{27610}{27672}- Want to hold hands on the walk home?|- Sure.
{27675}{27735}Susie! Thank God you're all right!
{27737}{27800}Wait a minute. This isn't my little girl.
{27802}{27862}Hey, that was my wife!
{27865}{27890}- Tee-hee!|- Tee-hee!
{27940}{28000}- I Know What You Did Last Summer?|- Never heard of it.
{28002}{28050}- The Devil and Daniel Webster?|- Nope.
{28052}{28120}- Party of Five?|- Was that a porno?
{28120}{28215}Sometimes you gotta do a lot of crap|before they put you in anything decent.
{28217}{28330}The food here is fantastic.|This is where I took Lois on our first date.
{28332}{28390}You ordered a pie for an appetiser?
{28392}{28497}I'll go to the john and fire one out in five|minutes. That should make room for dinner.
{28500}{28582}- Here's your table, Mr Quagmire.|- Thanks. How about drinks?
{28585}{28667}Martini for you and the usual|roofie colada for your date?
{28670}{28755}No, no, no. I wouldn't bring...|A glass of wine.
{28780}{28867}Oh, my God! That's Jennifer Love Hewitt!
{28870}{28970}Wow! I wonder who she's here with.|She could date any man she wanted to.
{29017}{29067}There. Made lots of room.
{29070}{29172}That sign in the bathroom about washing|your hands, that's for the staff, right?
{29175}{29250}- Technically, yes.|- That's what I thought. Great.
{29252}{29325}Oh, man! These all look good,|every one of 'em.
{29327}{29367}- You want some bread?|- No!
{29370}{29427}Peter, is that you?
{29430}{29485}Peter?! Oh, no! I can't let him see me!
{29485}{29580}It's OK, Quagmire. We're just doing|what the therapist said to do.
{29582}{29665}Peter, I think it's great you're out|with Jennifer Love Hewitt.
{29667}{29725}Hi. I loved you in Heartbreakers.
{29727}{29782}You be on your best behaviour.
{29795}{29870}- Here you go, sweetheart. Open up.|- No!
{29870}{29940}- (squeals)|- There you go. Isn't this romantic?
{29942}{30060}That's it! You have got to be the most vile,|disgusting human being I've ever met!
{30060}{30165}And I have never been|more turned-on in my life.
{30197}{30265}Hold on, toots!|I don't care what our therapist says.
{30267}{30367}I won't stand by and watch my husband|lock lips with another woman! Beat it!
{30370}{30425}- What's your problem, grandma?|- You are!
{30427}{30487}And I only saw Heartbreakers on a plane!
{30490}{30565}And the flight was delayed,|so the headphones were free!
{30567}{30617}Wow. That was pretty cool, Lois.
{30620}{30670}I guess I finally understand...
{30672}{30700}(yells)
{30702}{30775}(yells)
{30777}{30830}You better run, you little bitch!
{30830}{30920}I guess I finally understand|how you can get so jealous sometimes.
{30922}{31000}Seeing her kiss you like that|just made me crazy.
{31000}{31105}I guess we're gonna have to learn|to control our jealousy... together.
{31107}{31135}Together.
{31137}{31182}Ma'am, you dropped your napkin.
{31185}{31220}Here's your drink, sir.
{31222}{31295}We'll work on it later. I love you, Lois.
{31295}{31340}I love you too, Peter.
{31400}{31482}What a couple of freaks.|God, I need a drink.
{31485}{31545}Waiter! Martini and a roofie colada.






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